Australian Beauties
by Natcher
Summary: What happens when two normal meat factory workers get whisked away to the labyrinth? What if Jareth falls for one of them? What if they meet up in an all out brawl...wait....does that sound too lame? Nat should i change it? Do they brawl when they mee
1. Default Chapter

AUSTRALIAN BEAUTIES  
  
By Natcher (Nat and Cher)  
  
Disclaimers: Well Cher the idiot didn't do this before, so now I have to edit it and fix it. Anywho, we don't own Sailor Moon, Labyrinth, Jareth, Ralph Fiennes or any thing else we own, although we damn well wish we did.Nobody minds if we bother them though, do they? Don't bother suing, because the most u would get is some vegimte.   
  
  
Prologue-   
  
AN- Yes, I the wonderful Nat wrote this prologue... *smirks at Cher* Hi you dirty Sheryal  
  
Cher: not funny!   
  
  
  
Once upon a time in a far away country named Australia, a wonderful magical, shocking and slightly ecchi adventure took place, changing the lives of two girls for ever.   
Australia, a wonderful country filled with Kangaroos, Vegemite and Yobbos was also the home of two lovely, and sexy young ladies name Cheraye and Natsua.   
Cheraye and Natsua who were affectionately called Cher and Nat, were good friends who shared everything... clothes, money, even men.   
Their friendship was a little wacky however, because although they were good friends, the time they spent together was usually filled with fights, insults and screaming fits.   
However, their friendship survived due to their growing obsession to Sailor Moon, Labyrinth, and that hot British actor Ralph Fiennes who they nicknamed "Rafe".   
They would spend hours together giggling and whispering about their Darien fantasies and wishing that they could be given the chance to be whisked away to the Labyrinth were they could test out the infamous "sock theory" on the spunky and powerful Goblin King, Jareth.   
And this is how their adventure began... 


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One-   
  
Disclaimer: We don't own Labyrinth or Sailor moon or rafe or any of the other mentioned. All we own is some vegemite and bread...for we are poor fruit pickers living in a dumpster.  
  
Nat's AN: Cher the Sheryal wrote this   
  
Cher's AN: Damn right I wrote it, that's why it's so funny. dude Nat you're AN's suck ass. at least mine are entertaining. Come 'ere lover boy!   
  
BANG........BANG.........BANG........BANG........BANG!   
"TURN IT OFF SLUT!" A large metal object was pounding large chunks of lamb.   
"What the fuck are you talking about? WE NEED TO POUND THE MEAT IT'S OUR FUCKING JOB!"   
"Cher IT'S BANGING IN MY EAR YOU SHERYAL!" Cher looked up at Nat and glared. Sheryal, she copped it every day. Cher you're a sheryal, stop being a sheryal, you stupid sheryal. "Well...WHY DON'T YOU GET A BETTER WORD FOR A SLUT YOU WHORE!"   
Nat flicked her blonde hair over her shoulder and turned back to the lamb chops.   
"Stupid skank, the only guy that would ever be interested in you would be HOGGLE!" Slamming the meat pounder back on, Cher gave Nat a lovely fingered gesture and continued to observe the lamb chops being pounded. A loud sigh filled the large meat factory as Nat leant against the conveyer belt with a bored expression on her face.   
"I hate you for getting me into this Cher I mean we could..."   
"ME? I DIDN'T GET YOU INTO THIS YOU WERE THE ONE THAT CAME UP WITH THE BRIGHT IDEA TO WORK IN A MEAT FACTORY! 'Oh Cher it's a wonderful opportunity we can pound meat all day long.' You idiot Nat."   
Nat turned her back to Cher and fiddled with some machinery. "Well I can't stand pounding meat anymore I just want to be with Rafe." Nat let out a dreamy sigh and twirled her hair around a finger.   
Rolling her eyes Cher grinned smugly. "Rafe? As in Ralph? As in British Ralph Fiennes?"   
Nat turned and glared. "No Rafe the posty OF COURSE THE BLOODY BRIT YOU DICK!" Smiling wider Cher turned her eyes to the meat being pounded. "You know pounding this meat isn't that bad."   
Nat's jaw dropped considerably. "wha...you...wha...huh...when...bah"   
Grinning Cher turned to Nat and stuck out her tongue. "It reminds me of the way Rafe pounded his meat into me last night."   
Nat's eyes flew wide open and her fists began to clench and unclench. "You dirty SHERYAL!" Grabbing a lamb chop in her hand Nat clenched her teeth and threw it at Cher. SLCHMACK! The lamb chop stuck to Cher's head for a second and then slowly slid down until it landed on the concrete ground beside Cher's foot. Dirty lamb blood was smeared on Cher's face and she wiped it off slowly.   
"That was fucking low you fucking WHORE! I HATE YOU NAT!" Turning her back to Nat, quiet sobs filled the factory of all things meaty. The only other noise was the bang of the meat pounder and the quiet snicker of Nat. After a few minutes of quiet sobs Nat was beginning to laugh harder and harder until she was rolling around on the floor.   
"It's not funny." Came Cher's quiet pain filled voice. "BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHHAHA!"   
Her eyes glared as she turned around to Nat with a look that could kill. "I WISH...I WISH..." "BAHAHAH CHER AS IF THAT'S GONNA WORK YOU STUPID SHERYAL BAHAAHAHHAHA!!!"   
"I wish the goblins would come take you away...RIGHT NOW!" Suddenly Nat's laughter ceased and a large crack of lightening filled the sky.   
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO SHERYAL?" Cher looked around with fear stricken eyes. "N...nothing...I didn't do any...OH MY GOD IT'S HIM!"   
Nat jumped up and turned to see a tall, tights wearing man with spiky blonde hair that fell around his shoulders. "Why hello there stud, would you like to purchase some high quality meat products from WOAH WATCH THE APRON BUDDY!"   
The man had one arm wrapped around Nat's waist and the other around her neck.   
"Hello Cher, I understand you summoned me?"   
Cher looked around nervously. "Well um...yeah but now that you're here...I'm really sorry but I changed my mind. I mean it would be kinda dull without this whore around."   
The man smiled his cynical smile and turned around. "Don't defy me Cher."   
Scrunching her eyebrows Cher snickered quietly. "Well um...I never defied you, but if you're into that kinky shit I'm gonna need some commitment from your end baby."   
Jareth sweatdropped slightly and yanked Nat towards the door.   
"Hey wait...don't I get like 13 hours to save her or something I mean come on...at least let me have a little fun with this...let me conquer the labyrinth with my..." looking around Cher's eyes rested on the lamb chop by her feet. "With my trusty lamb chop...er...lamb chopper." She snatched the lamb chop off the ground and started to swipe the air with it.   
Sighing loudly Jareth stopped and turned around. "That won't be necessary my dear. You have 13 hours to solve my labyrinth and save your friend..."   
"HEY I HAVE A NAME YOU NIGEL!"   
Jareth brought his knee to rest in the small of Nat's back. "You keep quiet you sheryal."   
Nat's jaw dropped. "I'm not the sheryal, Cher's the sheryal...you called me a sheryal...CHER HE CALLED ME A MMPH!"   
Jareth's gloved hand muffled Nat's words. "How do you live with her?"   
Grinning Cher threw the lamb chop over her shoulder. "I don't know but if you've got room in your bed I could live with you." She raised her eyebrows for the effect and Jareth blushed deeply.   
"Honestly how do I get stuck with these cases?" Sighing he continued his speech. "If you haven't reached my castle in 13 hours then you and your friends will become my labyrinth's slave. Good luck sweet Cher, you'll need it." With a flick of his wrist a crystal ball appeared in Jareth's hand. "Look into this ball Cher, you will see your future."   
Cher peered into the crystal and gasped. "I see...a bed...and...YOU!"   
Jareth swallowed loudly and shook the ball. "Ok try now."   
Nodding, Cher looked into the ball and saw a great maze with a castle in the center. "Oh good lord, I wish you would have told me there was up hill I would have brought my runners." Cher looked down at the 6 inch red heels that she wore on her feet.   
"Hey you worked in a meat factory I would have thought safety regulations would be to wear some sort of running shoe."   
Cher looked at Jareth blankly. "I'm just going to ignore that comment." She slapped him upside the head. "I always wear heels ALWAYS."   
Scampering away, Jareth clicked his fingers and him and Nat disappeared into a puff of smoke. "So um...I see that I'm still in the meat factory...odd. Maybe it means that I need to get nutritious meaty snacks to aid me in my journey...psssssssh HOW DOES NO SOUND!" Turning around, Cher gasped as she saw before her the very labyrinth Jareth's ball had shown her. She grinned in determination and made her way down the grassy hill she was standing on. "I'm coming Nat, I'll save you and I'll prove to you that I'm not a sheryal. And you'll love me forever and we'll be the greatest of friends and we'll WOAH!" Loosing her footing, Cher tumbled ass over tit down the grassy hill.   
  
*******   
  
Meanwhile somewhere to the left of the bog of eternal stench and a bit away from the talking door knockers Jareth stood smashing crystals on the ground. Nat sat happily on a rock running her fingers through her hair.   
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE HAS SUPER NATURAL POWERS?"   
Nat smiled slyly and walked over to Jareth swaying her hips sexily. She placed a hand on his shoulder and stood behind him, pressing her body against his. "She's dangerous Jareth, she could destroy this whole...er...place with the snap of her dainty little fingers."   
Jareth turned around and grinned stupidly. "Well they are nice fingers, and boy does she have a set of legs on her and that hair man...UNGH!"   
Nat lifted the heel of her shoe off Jareth's toe and attempted to look innocent. "Oh I'm sorry I didn't see your foot there." Nat leapt into Jareth's arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. "Forget about her Jareth, kill her and then you and I could live together in your castle over yonder."   
Jareth's face paled slightly as Nat sat happily in his hold.   
"Is something wrong Jareth?"   
"eep"   
Nat smiled wickedly and lowered her head to Jareth's, opening her mouth and closing her eyes. He realised that she was attempting to kiss him and his eyes shot open.   
"NO!"   
He threw Nat onto the ground and wiped his mouth.   
"HEY WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!"   
Nat stood up angrily and had a hissy fit.   
"YOU WHENCH!" Jareth stormed away leaving Nat alone in the place that was left of the bog of eternal stench and a bit away from the talking door knockers.   
"HEY YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE, I DON'T KNOW MY WAY AROUND...CHER'S GONNA GO TO THE CASTLE AND SAVE ME AND I WON'T BE THERE....YOU STUPID MALE WHORE COME BACK I DON'T KNOW MY WAY AROUND THIS PLACE!" Nat threw a peach at Jareth's retreating back and turned away storming off into the opposite direction.   
  
End Note: hope you enjoyed Chapter 1! If you'd like to send us some constructive criticism or flames or whatnot email us on Natchersluts@hotmail.com. It's a joint email addy so you only have to send out one email we cator to the lazy peoples needs   
  
Nat: Shut up Cher. Hope you enjoyed reading our story....it's way funny you have to give us that much!  
  
Cher:   
  
Nat: -.-;;;  
  
Cher: And with all that said...You are the weakest link....goodbye that show started in Aussie! We made that show! AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE  
  
Nat: OI OI OI! 


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter Two-   
  
Disclaimer: We are yet to own Sailor Moon but Jareth is on Nat's list...so I guess that makes the labyrinth half ours...cuase you know he is a pretty important...I'm rambling ne? Don't sue us...Nat's poverty stricken and I am too lazy to go to court hearings. we are just two girls who want to have fun.   
  
AN- Nat again *giggles* Well, I would like to dedicate this chapter to Cher, who has always been there for me to brush her hair, fall of chairs and clear her throat for me. I luv you Cher.   
  
Cher: -.-;; stupid voice chat  
  
Nat took a few more steps through the thick and confusing Labyrinth jungle before sitting down on a rock in frustration.   
"It's not BLOODY fair!!!" she cried out. "Stupid Cher and her stupid temper. Always picking on me like that. She doesn't know how much it hurts me when she calls me a whore." Nat's eyes filled with tears and her lower lip trembled. "AND she constantly teases me about Rafe! She knows that he's mine! He's on my bloody list! How would she like it if I stole Spike?"   
Nat wiped her tears away and held her head high. "But I must be strong. I must find a way out of this bloody Labyrinth... I can't believe the stupid Sheryl said the words... and that they ACTUALLY worked! Who would have thought that I would be in the land of the GOBLIN KING!"   
Nat frowned slightly. "But I can't believe he resisted me and left me here! The bloody jerk. He was supposed to take me to the throne room and sing me a song." Nat huffed. "I'll teach him a lesson. I'll make my OWN way to the labyrinth and seduce him myself. He'll never be able to resist my womanly charms... twice" Nat giggled. "And thank god I shaved my legs today!!"   
Nat giggled, replied her lipstick, tossed the apron away and sexily sauntered off down the Labyrinth path, unaware that the sexy Goblin King was observing her through his crystal ball.   
  
***********  
  
"Fuck me dead" groaned a dirty and sore Cher, as she slowly stood upon her red 6-inch high heels. "Stupid Nat and her stupid Lamb Chop! If it weren't for her, we would never be stuck here.. But then I would never get the chance to seduce that sexy Jareth" Cher said, snickering to herself. "Nat you bloody legend!"   
Cher slowly continued her journey down the grassy hill when she noticed a few of her shirt buttons had ripped off in her embarrassing tumble, and allowed her WonderBra pushed up clevage to be exposed. Cher shrugged and grinned "Anything to make me more appealing to the Goblin King"   
Cher finally arrived at the main part of the Labyrinth wall, and looked around to find the entrance door. There was no sign of a door, but she saw an ugly little dwarf who was sitting on a stool, reading a magazine called "Dwarfs on Top".   
Cher snickered, and approached him calling out, "Excuse me do you know..."   
The dwarf hurriedly rammed his magazine in his pocket and stared at Cher, his eyes lighting up with joy and excitement. "Well hello there..." he croaked. "You must be Cher, Jareth warned us about you. My you look even better than I expected."   
Cher rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. "Look you little dwarfy poof, all I wanted to know was were is the entrance to the..."   
The dwarf interrupted Cher again "The name's Hoggle love.. and frankly... lets not waste time talking about the Labyrinth entrance... actually I'm more interested in talking about YOUR entrance" he said, winking and chuckling.   
Cher glared at the leering dwarf and pulled out a meat cleaver she just happened to be carrying in her pocket. "Look Hogfart, or what ever the fuck your name is... I'm giving you 5 seconds to show me the Labyrinth entrance before I cut you head off and ram it up your ass... you'll have to talk out of your ass for the rest of eternity... besides" Cher giggled "I'm only interested in a certain someone's crystal balls."   
Hoggle looked at the cleaver, sweatdropped and sighed. "Fine.. you don't have to be such a bitch." He grumbled, as he led Cher to the giant doors hidden behind some ivy. "You don't know what it's like being so sex deprived. There are hardly any chicks in this place, and have you SEEN that Junk Lady?"   
"Shut up you derro" Cher snapped. "I'm running out of time." Hoggle made a face but opened the big doors for Cher, giving her access to the labyrinth. Cher grinned and blew a kiss at Hoggle "Thanks Hogwart" and strutted into the Labyrinth, the doors shutting behind her with a resounding bang.   
  
**********  
  
Jareth sat on his silky bed, observing the antics of the two girls through his crystal balls. His thin kissable lips parted into an evil smile.   
"My my "he drawled "Those two are very feisty aren't they? And so incredibly sexy.. it's getting hard to resist the two of them now.. considering they make it so obvious that they want me. Maybe I should have some fun with them...after all they are 100 times better than that damn Junk Lady with the saggy tits." Jareth shuddered at the memory with disgust and turned his attention back to his crystal balls.   
"So they want to know the truth behind the sock theory? Well..I might just show them."   
  
**********  
  
Meanwhile in Tokyo, Japan, Darien was in his apartment washing his disgusting green Jacket after a heard day of studying when he got a vision on Cher and Nat struggling though the Labyrinth.   
"AHHHHH" he groaned "My poor darling Natsua!! I must save her!" Darien stopped and frowned. "It's a shame that Cher is there.. she can be such a Sheryl sometimes... but, a man's gotta do what a mans gotta do.. I'M COMING NATSUA!", he cried.   
Darien quickly transformed into his Tuxedo Mask outfit and flew out the widow, and into the night.   
  
End note - Nat: he's coming to save me   
  
Cher: -.-;; shut up Nat you whozza  
  
Nat: -.-;; Well email us on Natchersluts@hotmail.com any email welcome.   
  
Cher: And all those people who sent us viruses...we did keep them. We're going to send them to your school with a note attached saying: Death to school internet service signed   
  
Nat: Cher shut the hell up.  
  
Cher: You are the weakest link...  
  
Nat: Goodbye  
  
Cher: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE  
  
Nat: OI OI OI 


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three   
  
Disclaimers: We still don't own Sailor Moon and now that Cher went and got herself a restraining order courtesey of Naoko-sama we probably won't ever. I'm working on The Labyrinth though. Cher put he Buffy stake down...Cher...Cher what's with the......OH MY GOD SHE IS TRYING TO BE LIKE BUFFY!   
  
Cher's AN: I'm baaaaaaack That's right back with another great chapter that'll make you laugh harder then Nats ever could! Nat: HEY! Cher: Nat: Don't give them that innocent shit. Cher: Does this halo look store brought to you? Nat: -.-;;; I'm not even going to bother answering that. Cher: Is that good? Nat: -.-;;; Cher just get on with the story. Cher: Why? Nat: Cher shut up! Cher: Why? Nat: Cher just shut up ok. Cher: but why? Nat: Cher you're a sheryal. Cher:   
  
Humming quietly to herself, Cher continued her walk down the never ending path, which she did not notice, continued in the same direction with the same scenery passing by. She started to can-can her way down the path in an attempt to amuse herself.   
"NA NA NANANANA NA NA NANANAN NA NA NANANANA NA NANANANANANANA I AM GONNA SA-AVE NAT THEN SHE WILL LOVE ME AND JARETH WILL FUCK MY SEXY ASS TILL I SCREAM!"   
She started to kick her legs higher and higher singing louder and louder when the heel of her shoe slipped and she landed with a loud thud on her ass.   
"HOLY SHIT WHY THE FUCK AM I THE ONE THAT ALWAYS FALLS!" Cher stood wincing slightly as she rubbed her ass. "If I have a bruise there when Jareth seduces me then I'm gonna crack the shits something chronic."   
Sighing loudly to no one in particular, Cher looked at the path ahead of her. Squinting slightly she continued looking and then spun around.   
"NO WAY!"   
She turned forward, then back, then forward, then back again, then forward, then back and then suddenly realised something.   
"I think it's been raining." She stated smiling proudly at her accomplishment of noticing something totally irrelevant. "But apart from that...WHY THE FUCK IS THIS PATH THE SAME IN BOTH DIRECTIONS!??!?!"   
Cher decided to take her anger out on the two walls either side of her. She ripped her red heels off and threw them at the wall which was, stupidly enough, only one foot in front of her head. The shoe hit the wall then ricocheted off back onto Cher's forehead.   
"OW DAMNIT NAT THIS IS ALL YOUR AND YOUR STUPID LAMB CHOPS FAULT!" Sighing in dejection, Cher leant her back against the stone wall and slid down to a sitting position. She closed her eyes and started to hum a tune that was dear to her heart. She got more and more into the song before finally she was singing happily.   
"I love myself I want you to love me, when I fell down, I want you above, I search myself, I want you to find me, I forget myself, I want you to remind me. I don't want, anybody else, when I think about you, I touch myself..."   
"Well ain't that an interesting fact right there."   
Cher gasped and looked from side to side for the source of the unmistakable english accent. "Who said that?" She demanded angrily.   
"Over 'ere, 'allo!" Cher scrunched her brow in confusion and stared at the tiny little worm with blue facial hair.   
"Did you say hello?"   
The worm snorted. "No I said I wanted to fuck yer brains out, but that's good enough."   
Cher grinned stupidly. "You're a worm aren't you?"   
The worm rolled his eyes. "No I'm a porn star, come inside 'ave a cuppa with the missus."   
Cher scoffed loudly. "Um hello...I can't go inside with you."   
The worm looked at Cher oddly. "Well, why not?"   
Laughing heartily Cher pointed to the path ahead of her. "I have to find my friend Nat whose in the castle, at the center of the labyrinth...and besides my heels won't fit through that teeny tiny hole you live in."   
The worm nodded understandingly. "Well if you're going to the castle then you're going the wrong way love."   
Cher stared at the worm in shock. "What do you mean the wrong way, it's the only way I can go."   
The worm chuckled. "First off, you go charging down here dancing away and throwing your shoes when you've passed many good openings I mean you could 'ave been out of here by now." Cher slapped the worm across the face. "YOU STUPID MAN WHORE! THERE AREN'T ANY OPENINGS IN THESE STUPID WALLS!"   
The worm opened his mouth in shock. "Well excuse me for trying to help a pretty lady...did I even ask for anything in return? NO! Well that's it I'm not even going to offer you a free session, you're on your own SHERYAL!"   
With that said the worm slid into his little hole, and soon after itty bitty worm grunts could be heard and an occasional "SAY MY NAME BITCH!" Was screamed out by what sounded like the female equivalent of Cher's little worm friend.   
  
*******   
  
Nat on the other hand was having a blast walking around in circles without realising it.   
"I wonder where Cher is...I hope she's alright...I mean I hope she's not turned up at the castle and gotten herself raped or something." At the thought of that Nat stopped and scratched her head. "What am I talking about, I should be worried about Jareth and not Cher the Sheryal."   
Nat continued to walk in the same circle she had been for half an hour. After a few minutes, Nat stopped and looked at a rock.   
"Hey...wait a second, that rock...looks..." Nat started to sniff the air around the rock and squealed in delight. "THAT ROCK HAS BEEN SAT ON BY JARETH...I CAN SMELL IT!" Nat launched herself onto the rock, (which in fact was sat on by Hoggle) and furiously rubbed her cheek on it.   
"Oh I can smell him, god he smells good just like..."   
"RAAAAAAAAR!"   
Nat looked up and scrunched her brow. "Well I was gonna say Rafe but...OH MY GOD YOU ARE THE UGLIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!"   
Nat stood face to face with a huge, hunchbacked, orange creature with two horns on it's head and a massive mouth. "What the fuck are you?"   
The creature smiled happily. "Ludo friend."   
Backing away in fear Nat tripped over a rock and landed on her back. "Friend?" Nat whimpered in fear and scrambled away, still on her back. "No way man, look I didn't bring any money with me, it's back at the meat factory, if you want I'll give you an I.O.U but dude just back up." "Friend, Ludo Friend."   
Nat's hands shot out either side of her and she felt around on the ground for a rock to throw at Ludo. Her hand rested on what felt like a stick and she tugged hard on it. Suddenly the ground opened up beneath her and she could feel herself falling. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I'M TOOO YOUNG TO DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"   
Suddenly she stopped falling and was suspended in mid air, as if she had been grabbed. "What the hell is going on here?" Looking around her, Nat realised that she was in fact being held up by many pairs of hands.   
"Dude what the..." The hands began to grope her and she started to get off on the constant rubbing.   
"Which way would you like to go?"   
A hand face asked her. "TAKE ME TO HEAVEN BABY OH YEAH!"   
The hand faces looked at one another. "Is that up or down?"   
Screaming in the angst of an orgasm the hands misinterpreted "DON'T STOP!" to "JUST DROP!"   
Suddenly the hands disappeared and Nat was falling once again, to land with a resounding thud in a dark cave-like room.   
  
*******   
  
"SCREW THIS FUCKING MAZE I HATE IT!" Cher threw herself onto the ground, still having no luck in finding her way away from the continuous path. She was sobbing loudly into her arms, not noticing the owl that had swooped above her head and perched itself on the top of the wall beside her.   
"That's it, fuck it, I'm gonna cheat." Looking around from side to side, Cher made sure the coast was clear and walked casually over to the wall. Looking around once more, just to make sure no one was witnessing, Cher raised her leg and rested her foot on a tree stump. She hauled her self onto the top of the wall and sat panting. Before her she could see the whole of the labyrinth, with walls, twists and turns all over the place.   
"Hey, I could just walk along the top of these walls and make it in no time...sorta." Grinning to herself, Cher pushed herself to her feet and started to walk along the wall. Before she knew it she had made great progress but the wall was slippery and her high heels were wobbly. Suddenly, a crystal ball floated before her and landed in the palm of her outstretched hand.   
"Wha..." Looking around, Cher saw only an owl, perched in a tree about 10 meters ahead of her and nothing else. She turned her back to the owl and looked around some more.   
"I wouldn't cheat if I were you Cher darling."   
Gasping in fright at the voice, Cher found herself falling towards the ground. Her eyes slammed shut, and she prepared herself for the hard hit of the ground making contact with her tender ass. She landed softly though, in someone's arms. Opening her eyes slowly, Cher found herself looking up at the Goblin King himself.   
"Jareth...is that you?" Blinking slightly Jareth smiled.   
"Yes it is me sweet Cher, and if I were you I wouldn't be cheating in my labyrinth."   
Gasping Cher buried her head into the folds of Jareth's shirt and sobbed. "I'm sorry, I really am, it's just...I couldn't find my way out of this path I have been here for yonks and I'm not getting anywhere and...and..."   
Jareth raised his finger to rest on Cher's lips. "Hush Cher, if I set you in the right direction you'll agree to eat this peach, deal?"   
Cher looked up at Jareth. "No fucking way." Jumping out of his arms she shoved him back. "I know you, that peach is drugged, and if I eat it I'll forget all about how I have to save Nat, do you think I'm fucking blonde? Nat is the blonde one...does this hair look fucking blonde to you? No it's black BLACK...honestly."   
Jareth looked at the peach and sighed. "Well I was just going to say that you looked a touch on the thin side and should eat something but seen as you're being so feisty about it I'll just give you this jar of Vegemite and a loaf of bread."   
Grinning, Cher snatched the items off Jareth and shoveled them down. "That is more like it, thanks mate now where do I go from here?"   
Jareth grabbed Cher's hand and led her to the wall. "Through there you will find where you need to go."   
Cher turned to Jareth and scoffed loudly. "Through there I'll find a sore nose, when I run into that wall."   
Jareth sighed and pushed Cher towards the wall which she walked through to find there was a path either side of her.   
"Oh thanks you hot little potato sack...see you at your castle. And Jareth...dress nice." Snickering to herself Cher slipped through the entrance and skipped down the chosen path happily.   
  
******   
  
Meanwhile a black cladded figure was bounding from the top of the Labyrinth walls.   
"I'll save you my Nastua."   
  
End note - Cher: Dude Nat...why do we always end it with Darien?  
  
Nat: Because he's a sex god!  
  
Cher: HE IS? LIKE TOM JONES?  
  
Nat: O.o;;;  
  
Cher: Sex bomb sex bomb you're my sex bomb you can something something when I need some turning on  
  
Nat: Email us...Natchersluts@hotmail.com I promise not to let Cher out of her cage   
  
Cher: I'M A RABID DOG MEEEEEH!  
  
Nat: -.-;; I swear I always keep my promises  
  
Cher: MEEEEEEEEEEEH EHHHHHHHHHHH EEK!  
  
Nat: You are the weakest link...  
  
Cher: GOODBYE MEEEEEEH!  
  
Nat: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE  
  
Cher: OI OI OI MEEEEEH! 


	5. Chapter Four

Chapter four-   
  
Disclaimer: Cher tried to tackle Naoko-sama in the street. She got sent to jail...we still don't own anything but I got to touch Rafe's ass it was the best second of my life.   
  
Nat's AN: I love Darien *smooch * I don't own him though, damnit... btw I am a brunette not a blonde. *giggles*   
  
Cher: You act blonde...oh I'm not supposed to be in these an's   
  
  
Jareth grinned evilly as he watched Nat lay unconscious on the cold floor of his oubliette.   
"She is quite beautiful," he said aloud as he watched shadows run across her sexy features.   
" I find myself quite attracted to her... but..." Jareth paused as he looked through another crystal ball showing Cher burping rapidly after consuming her vegimite and bread.   
"There is also Cher"   
"They are both extremely tempting, and it would be possible for me to have BOTH of them" Jareth smirked. "But I'm sure they would be killing each other over me, so I must pick one." Jareth frowned and stared at Cher, who was now occupied in picking out a wedgie.   
"I feel a weird closeness to Cher... I feel a bond between us... and she proberly knows a lot more slutty tricks than Nat does. I'm finding it a lot harder to resist her offerings."   
Looking smug Jareth turned his attention back to Nat who was slowly awakening. "I think it's time to go visit Nat...after all, I WAS supposed to take her back to the castle, not let her run around by herself. Besides, maybe I can find out some things about Cher."   
Jareth chuckled and with a flick of his wrist, disappeared into a cloud of glitter.   
  
*********  
  
Darien, the tuxedo clad figure took of his mask and wiped the sweat from his forehead, his sexy blue eyes taking in his surroundings. Mountains of garbage were spread as far as his extremely sexy blue eyes could see. Jumping off the labyrinth wall, Darien walked slowly towards the garbage, trying to see his way through all the mess.   
"Where the hell am I?" Darien thought, "I must save my Natsua before it is too late... but how am I going to get through all of this crap."   
Suddenly, Darien heard a clattering noise to his left, and saw a large pile of rubbish moving. Swiftly, he advanced towards the mass, but froze when it turned around.   
"Oh my god" Darien thought "That's not a junk pile... that's a woman!"   
A face in the middle of the rubbish smiled and licked it's dry lips.   
"Oh my my my, it looks like I have found the best treasure today haven't I?"   
Darien cringed at the sight of the beast woman, her hideous face contorted, her fat little body shaking beneath her raggy dress, and the mountains of rubbish sitting on her back.   
"I am Tuxedo Mask, and I am here to save my Natsua. Tell me your name demon." The beast's eyes lit up at the sound of his extremely sexy voice.   
"Oh you sound even better than you look don't you hmmmmm? You my sexy little junk find are standing in MY part of the labyrinth. I am the junk lady and this is my kingdom."   
Darien clenched his jaw " Tell me, how do I find my Natsua? Please you must tell me."   
The junk lady sighed "Look forget about this Natsua girl, she might have fallen in the bog of eternal stench for all you know, and she will smell like cat shit forever. Look at me Tuxey baby. I'm more woman than you ever need."   
Darien's hot blue eyes widened in horror "My patience is growing thin. You best...."   
The junk lady interrupted Darien "Don't be all prudish baby, you're just uptight because you haven't been getting any... come on I can help you out, even The Goblin King has come to me for some help, if you know what I mean." The junk lady coughed and winked, causing the rubbish on her back to jiggle. "Enough chit chat baby, let me show you how much a junk lady can pleasure you."   
Before Darien could protest the junk lady ripped of her raggy dress and put her hands on her dimply hips. Darien's eyes widened in disgust at the sight of her saggy tits flapping in the wind, and the pieces of junk protruding from her body. Darien stumbled backwards, and gagged.   
"Oh come now baby, it's all good. Don't keep me waiting."   
In shock, Darien took a step backwards but stumbled over an old toy on the floor. Falling on his back, he screamed when the junk lady straddled him.   
"Get off me you old bag!" he roared and threw a rose at her head.   
"EEEEKKKK" screamed the junk lady "Get it off me it's clean, it's clean!!!!!"   
Struggling to pull the fresh rose out of her head, the junk lady stumbled off behind her mountains of rubbish. Darien rolled over and vomited on the floor.   
"Oh god that was close.. I have to get out of her before that beast comes back. She was worse than Cher!"   
Looking around, Darien spotted a pathway leading into a jungle, and sprinted towards it.   
  
*********   
  
Nat opened her eyes and moaned.   
"My fucking head" she cried, her body still trembling from her adventure with the hands. "Stupid bastards dropping me on the head like that." Nat stood up off the floor and looked around. "Now where the hell am I?"   
The room was bare and dark, with only 1 lit candle on the wall. Directly above her was a hole with a grate. "That must have been where I fell!"   
Nat strode over to the hole angrily. "HEY! You guys!"she screamed up at the hole "Thanks a lot you fuck heads, dropping me like that."   
"You chose down HAHAHAHAHAHA" the hands replied.   
Stomping her foot in anger, Nat looked on the floor, and picked up a few rocks on the floor. "Take that you stupid hand jobs!!" she shrieked and began pegging the rocks through the hole at the hands. To her happiness she could hear some of the hands shout in pain.   
"I wouldn't do that if I were you" a voice said behind her.   
Nat spun around and her mouth dropped open. Jareth stood there, his hands on his hips, he's legs drawn apart, and a smile on his lips.   
"Well it's about time you showed up!" Nat cried "You were supposed to take me to the castle you boofhead, but thanks to you, I've been chased by a beast, molested by hands, and fell on my head."   
Jareth smiled and raised his hands in the air "I apologise Nat. It was wrong of me to leave you there... by now you should have heard me sing to you."   
"Damn straight" Nat replied huffily.   
Still smiling, Jareth advanced towards Nat. "I'll tell you what... I'll take you back to my castle, and sing three songs for you.... But... I want you to tell me as much stuff about Cher that you know."   
Nat's face dropped "You like Cher?"   
Jareth walked closer, his face a few centimeters away from Nat's. "Yes I admit I do... but you are still a sexy girl."   
Nat pouted, causing Jareth to look down at her lips "Fine then. I tried but I don't know what the problem is... maybe you're gay, or something. Besides I have my Darien..." Nat sighed and stopped pouting. "Ok, as soon as I tell you about Cher, you have to take me to the castle, deal?" "Deal" replied Jareth.   
For the next ten minutes, Nat told Jareth all about Cher's passion for men, beer, sailor moon, Ralph Fiennes, Labyrinth, her fetishes, and her annoying habits including falling off chairs and clearing her throat.   
"I know she likes you though," concluded Nat "So I hope you two are happy."   
Jareth smiled and leaned forward, pushing his nose against Nat's. "Thank you Nat... I shall take you to the castle now."   
Nat stared with stars in her eyes at Jareth's mouth and smiled.   
"What the hell" she said out loud, and before Jareth had a chance to move, Nat closed her eyes and pushed her lips against Jareth's lips.   
Startled, Jareth was about to move, but found the taste of Nat's peach lip balm intoxicating. He pushed his mouth against Nat's lips harder, and ran his hands down her back, pushing her body against his. Nat gasped in his mouth and thrust her hands in his hair. After a few minutes, Jareth pulled away and ran a hand through his hair. Nat stood still, a smile on her red lips, breathing hard.   
Jareth was shocked, horny, and annoyed. "I..." he started. "Why.."   
Nat continued to smile, not saying anything.   
"I... I have to get out of here" Jareth stuttered, and flicked his wrist.   
Nat's eyes bulged open. "DON'T YOU DARE RUN OFF, YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO TAKE ME BACK TO THE CASTLE!"   
But it was too late, Jareth was gone in another cloud of glitter.   
"COME BACK HERE YOU BOOFHEAD! HOW DARE YOU RUN OFF IN HER POOFY CLOUD OF GLITTER! AHHH YOU JERK!! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! JARETH!!! YOU LIKED KISSING ME! DON'T THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE THE BULGE GROWTH IN YOUR TIGHTS!! AHHH JARETH!!!!!!! JARREEETTTHHHH!!!!!!!!"  
  
*******   
  
Cher continued down the path until she eventually came to a dead end where there were two doors. In front of the two doors were some Card Guards, one blue, one red. Cher fluffed up her black hair and strolled towards the card guards.   
"Hey which one is the door to the castle?" Cher demanded.   
The red and blue card guards giggled and stared at Cher. "We can't tell you that, you have to figure it out for yerself. But remember one of us tells the truth and one of us always lies" They said and suddenly leant behind the cards and giggled.   
Cher ignored them and sighed "Well, which one of you lie?"   
"He's the liar" the red card said, motioning to the blue card.   
"That's not right. I always tell the truth."   
"Oh what a lie " chuckled the red card.   
Cher looked at both of the guards and noticed that they continued to look behind their cards and giggle. "What are you guys doing?" Cher asked.   
Looking down, Cher realised that there was another set of card guards directly under the card. There were two heads for each card. And the red card bottom head was looking up Cher's skirt. "WHY YOU DIRTY BASTARD!" Cher shrieked, and kicked the bottom head.   
"YOW OH YOWWWWWW!" he moaned and rubbed his head, whilst the blue card guards laughed.   
Pulling her skirt down, Cher rolled her eyes. "That's for looking up my skirt. Now tell me which door leads me to the castle? My friend Nat might be there by now."   
The red guards whispered to each other than sighed.   
"It's their door," they said motioning to the blue card guards door.   
"Thank you" Cher said and strutted towards the door, which opened for her. Walking through the door, Cher smiled but screamed when the floor opened up under her.   
"That's for kicking me in the head" the red guards yelled out as Cher plummeted through the hole. Halfway through the hole, Cher realised that she was being caught by hundreds of green hands. Cher smiled as the hands were situated all over her body. Instantly Cher began rubbing against the hands.   
"Stop that! You have to tell us which way you would like to go!" scolded a hand.   
Cher ignored them and continued rubbing against the hands.   
"Up or down" they demanded.   
"Oh touch me..." Cher moaned. "Touch me down there"   
The hands weren't very clever and didn't understand Cher. "Do what?"   
"Lower baby!!!! Down more!!" Cher ordered like a dominatrix.   
Shrugging, the hands dropped Cher. "She chose down!!" they squealed.   
Cher screamed in frustration and in fear as she fell the rest of the way down and landed with a bang on her ass.   
  
  
End Note: Cher: you know what sucks...the way I always fall on my ass...I'm gonna write about that in the next chapter. I hate falling on my ass my ass is fragile.  
  
Nat: not anymore. Email us, Natchersluts@hotmail.com and please Cher stop pretending to be readers by emailing yourself...it's not cool.  
  
Cher: I don't know what you mean.  
  
Nat: -.-;;;  
  
Cher: ^^  
  
Nat: Honestly Cher it's the newest fashion.  
  
Cher: You are the weakest link...  
  
Nat: GOODBYE!  
  
Cher: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!!!!  
  
Nat: OI OI OI !!!!!!!!!!! 


	6. Chapter Five

Chapter Five-   
  
Disclaimer: I couldn't assault Naoko-sama this week cause of this stupid jacket nat gave me. We still don't own anything except that Jareth is on Nat's list...but they will be ours...oh yes they will be ours. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHheheheehhe maaaaah!  
  
Cher's AN: Don't tell Nat guys, but I stole all the men on her list...Ohhhhhhh Brucie rub harder....they give great massages. Rafe a little lower thanks. anyway Nat would just like to say that while she is tied up in the basement god knows how she got in there. Anyway where was I? Oh yes while Nat is tied in the basement she will sign a contract saying that all the men on her list belong to me now. Another plan perfectly executed.  
  
Nat: -.-;;; mmmmmmmf  
  
Cher: yes well on with the story ne?  
  
  
"I HATE YOU JARETH YOU PIECE OF DONKEY SHIT!" Nat jumped up and turned around in circles. She cried in frustration. "Where the fuck am I DAMN YOU CHER SAVE ME ALREADY!"   
Nat threw herself against a wall which gave way from her weight to reveal several tunnels and pathways. "This is more like it Jareth I'm coming to get you baby. You better be hard and ready. I know you liked the kiss."   
Nat took off at a sprint down the tunnel ready for Jareth and his kissable mouth.   
  
*******  
  
She saw red.   
This was the last straw she was sick and tired of it all.   
"FUCK YOU JARETH! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME YOU ARE A PIECE OF SHIT! WHY AM I THE ONE ALWAYS FALLING ON MY ASS! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! ANSWER ME YOU MALE SLUT POUNDER!"   
Cher stood and threw herself at the wall of the circular room she was stuck in.   
"YOU CAN HEAR ME I KNOW YOU CAN! I AM SO DAMN TIRED OF YOU AND YOUR FUCKING THINGS THAT MAKE ME FALL ON MY ASS FIRST THE HILL, THEN THE CAN CAN, THEN THE FUCKING CRYSTAL BALL THING, NOW THIS WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? A TENDER ASS? IS THAT IT...IS IT?"   
Cher broke down into sobs, her throat raw from screaming at nothing. A thought struck her.   
"If I......find out......that you......and Nat......have been......fooling around......I will FUCKING KICK YOUR ASS AND RIP OUT YOUR CRYSTAL BALLS AND SMASH THEM INTO THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH YOU BASTARD!" Standing once again, Cher kicked the wall in frustration.   
It gave way to a maze of tunnels and twists and Cher smiled proudly. "See what I can do Jareth? I can destroy this place in an instant. WATCH OUT JARETH YOUR ASS IS MINE!"   
Cher took off in the direction of nothingness with a grin plastered across her face. She was running full speed when something from another direction slammed into her side and sent her sprawling to the ground.   
"WHY YOU LITTLE..." Cher gasped at the figure before her. "You're not Hogfart...YOU'RE NAT!"   
Nat and Cher looked at each other in shock before hurling themselves on one another causing an all out brawl.   
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE SKANK LICKER?"   
"ME? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE RESCUEING ME FROM THE CASTLE!"   
"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE CASTLE!"   
"SHUT UP SHERYAL!"   
Silence. Sniffles.   
"You called me a Sheryal."   
Nat rolled her eyes and helped Cher off the floor. "Damn right I did. Come on we need to get out of these tunnels their hell on my complexion."   
Cher stood, eyes fixed to the ground.   
"GOD DAMNIT CHER LETS GO!"   
Sniffles. Silence. Louder sniffles. Angry sigh.   
"What is it?" Nat asked in exasperation.   
"It's just...I wanted to show you that I was more then a stupid sheryal you know. I went through shit for you and I don't even get a hug."   
Rolling her eyes Nat placed her arms around Cher and patted her back. The hug was an uncomfortable one and Nat quickly backed away. "Ok so are you with me? Can we go?"   
Cher nodded with a stupid grin on her face.   
  
*******   
  
"I SAW MY CHERRY CRYING HARD AS CHER COULD CRY WHAT DO I DO? MY CHERRY'S ASS WAS SORE AND LEFT MY CHERRY BLUE WHAT DO I DO? WHAT KIND OF MAGIC SPELL TO DO?"   
"Kick her in the ass then make her yell and scream?"   
"O.o. Those are the wrong words GOBLINS BE GONE!" Jareth sat at his throne cross legged attempting to sing his song. Goblins scattered and finally Jareth was left alone.   
"How can it be that I have fallen for such a sheryal?" Shaking his head Jareth conjured up a crystal ball. "Oh sweet Cher where are you?"   
Gazing into his balls, Jareth searched for the girl that had captured his heart. A small smile crossed his face as the image of Cher cleared. She was attempting to scratch some food that was caught in her teeth. A loud burp echoed throughout the room she was in then a pink blush stained Cher's cheek. "Opps." Was all she could muster.   
Jareth smiled and widened the view. "I must see how her beautiful body is holding.....WHAT IN THE WORLD?" Jareth stood in shock to find that the wider picture showed Nat standing beside Cher.   
"They've met up? THEY WEREN'T MEANT TO MEET UP! HOGFART GET IN HERE!" The sound of grunts were heard as Hoggle made his way up the stairs and into the throne room.   
"Yes your highness?" He bowed to one knee giving a perfect bulge shot of Jareth.   
"Hogwol, I want you to find Cher and Nat and separate them. They cannot be traveling through my labyrinth together. Do you understand?"   
Hoggle nodded and stood to leave.   
"HOGNUTS WAIT! Give this parcel to them. Make sure they consume the contents and when they are done be sure that they are separated. Don't defy me Hogdoodle."   
Hoggle nodded sheepishly and stepped away slowly.   
"By nightfall my plan will be complete. And thirteen hours will be up. Cher can trade places with Nat and she will be mine forever."   
  
*******   
  
"Never in all of Tokyo have I...OUF!" Darien lurched forward as something hit his back. He rolled over quickly. His defensive instinct kicking in. What he saw was a red head grinning up at him.   
"What in the world...are you?"   
A headless body jiggled over and picked up it's head.   
"Don't have no problems no problems ain't got no suitcase no suitcase ain't got no clothes to worry about ain't got no real estate or jewelry or gold mines to hang me up i just throw in my hand throw in his hand with the chilliest bunch in the land they don't look much but they're sure chilly chilly they're positively glow glow, huh! chilly down with the wild gang think small with the wild gang bad hep with the wild gang don't lose your head. when your thing gets wild chilly down, chilly down with the wild gang hey, i'm a wild child! walk tall with the wild gang whoo! Walk tall! good times, bad food bleh! Blub blub blub blub! when your thing gets wild chilly down, chilly down..."   
Darien thwaped the Fiery upside the head. "SHUT UP YOU MORON! I don't chilly down with no one but Natsua!"   
Darien whacked the fiery with his cane and then jumped away. "I'll save you Natsua!"   
  
*******  
  
"Dude are we there yet?"   
"No."   
"Are we there YET?"   
"No ."   
"Yet?"   
"NOO!"   
"How bout now?"   
"NO NOT YET!"   
"Dude yet?"   
"CHER, WE HAVEN'T EVEN LEFT YET WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK?"   
Cher looked at Nat with a blank stare. "So let's go then." She made her way in the direction she had gone in when she ran straight into someone...for the second time.   
"GOD DAMN IT WHO IS IT NOW? Hognipple?"   
"It's Hoggle."   
Cher picked herself up off the grown and yanked down her skirt which had once again ridden up much to Hoggle's delight.   
"Cher who is this little wrinkly NippleHog?"   
"Hogwanger."   
"Hogdinkle."   
"IT'S HOGGLE!" The little dwarf had a hissy fit while Cher and Nat stared at Jareth, who had just made his presence known.   
"Well ladies it looks like you're in a little bit of a predicament. Perhaps you'd like to see how you are faring?" Cher and Nat nodded eagerly as Jareth pulled back a curtain. It revealed a large screen TV with the Junk lady standing beside it smiling her toothless smile.   
"OH GROSS!" Cher turned her back and clutched her stomach while Nat quietly snickered. "Dude she is ugly. I wonder if.....WE ONLY HAVE 4 HOURS LEFT? DUDE 4 HOURS CHER GET THE FUCK UP OFF THE GROUND WE HAVE 4 HOURS LEFT!" Nat glared at Jareth while yanking Cher off her feet. "How are we supposed to finish this in four hours?"   
Smiling, Jareth conjured up two crystal balls and spun them in his hand. "My labyrinth is simple, for those who are simple. Farewell ladies. Cher do try to eat something. Your body is frail."   
Cher looked at Jareth with a quizical stare and burped loudly. "Opps."   
She giggled impishly. "Wait...WHY DO YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT MY BODY?" She looked down at her Brittany Spears school uniform she was wearing and sighed. "I..."   
"Come on Cher lets go before he takes away more time." Nat grabbed Cher's hand and dragged her to a ladder. "Climb!" She ordered.   
"You climb it dick noblet."   
"I'll climb it." The forgotten Hoggle trotted over and began the upward ascent.   
"Hogpoodle? Are we there yet?"   
  
End note - Cher: Jareth cut it out . well Nat somehow broke free and is now running around Cambodia looking like a rabid dog so I guess the end note is up to me   
  
Nat: Stupid Sheryal. Well I'd just like to say that contract was a total fake and I retrieved all my men on my list including Rafe. This is not the end. There are still many chapters to come so keep a watch for us and...  
  
Cher: NAT THESE PANTS ARE HAND WASH ONLY! NOW THEY'RE RUINED YOU WHOZZA! Dude there will be more chapters if Nat pulls her whozza of a finger out.  
  
Nat: Email us Natchersluts@hotmail.com  
  
Cher: We won't bite...hard ^^  
  
Nat: Cher don't scare them off like last time...she accidentally sent out her picture to all the people that emailed us. Word has it they all went to the loony bin!  
  
Cher: I'm not THAT bad  
  
Random person who saw Cher's pic: AHHHHHHHHH IT'S SO UGLY...MY EYES MY EYES IT HURTS IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP!  
  
Cher: -.-;;;  
  
Nat:   
  
Cher: You are the weakest link...  
  
Nat: GOODBYE!  
  
Cher: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE  
  
Nat: OI OI OI !!!!!!! 


	7. Chapter Six

Chapter 6-  
  
Nat's FIRST AN: Yeh as you have realised, Cher has been making a fool of me *stabs Cher* Stop it you sheryal!!!! Hope you like the story, blah blah fricken blah.  
  
Nat's SECOND AN: .   
  
Nat: You are the weakest link...  
  
Cher: GOODBYE!  
  
Nat: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!  
  
Cher: OI OI OI! 


	8. Chapter Seven

Chapter 7  
  
Cher's AN: Ok I had a lot of fun with this chapter, fucking around with grammar and being gay with my sentences and stuff so just laugh to make me feel better how great am I, I got this out so much quicker then Nat did. She took a whole fucking three months, I took a week talk about devotedness. Oh and Spike is mine he's so sexy.  
  
Disclaimers: SUCCESS WE OWN THE LABYRINTH WE OWN IT   
  
....  
  
....  
  
....  
  
Not really but you'd think so seen as Cher did Hogswalla ne? Still no luck on the Sailor Moon front. I think Naoko is secretly in love with Nat and she's playing hard to get by not letting us own Sailor Moon   
  
  
"I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DID THAT...THEY RUINED IT HOW COULD THEY TRASH MY BEAUTIFUL DREAM BALLROOM!" Jareth was pacing the length of his thrown room, smashing his balls, balls which Cher would love to fondle, but that's beside the point...damnit I completely fucked my sentence structure...smashing his balls against the wall of his stone castle. A voice, haggled yet clear rose above the gaggle of the other goblins.  
"I did as you asked your highness." Hoggle stood with his head bowed and a twinkle in his eye.  
"You did...you also took advantage of Cher, you realise the penalty don't you?" Jareth spun to face Hoggle, a fierce look in his eyes.  
"Uh...no, she's just like the other girls that get lost in the maze isn't she?"  
Jareth's eyes widened. Within moments he was face to face with Hoggle holding the dwarf in the air by his collar.  
"She isn't JUST like all the other ones. She's..." Trailing off, Jareth looked into the dwarfs disgruntled face.   
He wouldn't understand. No one would. Jareth tossed the dwarf over his shoulder and continued pacing.  
"I can't believe they destroyed the ballroom" he muttered smashing some more balls.   
"I put so much work into my make up too...I wonder if Cher noticed." Jareth sighed.   
He had never let his emotions get in the way with his labyrinth occupants. He liked to toy with them. He liked to paint the picture that he was brutally evil. He couldn't do it if he was falling in love with Cher. Though there was always Nat.   
"Hmm...there's hope for me yet. I wonder what they're up to anyway." Jareth summoned a ball and waved a hand over it.   
The image of two sleeping girls atop a pile of junk came to focus.   
"Perfect. If I measure this correctly then they will arrive at the bog soon...then make their way to the grove of Ludo. Hmm perhaps I should follow them for a while just to keep an eye on them. Cher especially." In a puff of glitter and hazy smoke, Jareth's figure was replaced with that of an owl.   
The owl flapped it's wings wildly and flew out of the window into the depths of the maze below.  
  
********  
"Ohhhhhh my head...what is on my head, ungh I feel like I've been up all night talking about toilet stories...ohhh god it hurts." Nat moaned and shifted under the weight of Cher. "Where am I?" She opened her eyes to find darkness.   
"OH MY GOD! I'M BLIND NOOOOOO I'M BLIND!" Nat sobbed loudly but stopped quickly as she heard another moan.  
"What...rubbish? Why am I at Nat's house?" Cher rolled off Nat's head and stood, rubbing her eyes groggily. "I remember, dancing...kicking...screaming...Nat?" Cher rushed over to the sobbing Nat and rested a hand on her shoulder.  
"Nat what's wrong? Why are you crying...where are we?"  
Nat's eyes flew open. "I'M NOT BLIND OH BLESSED GODS I'M NOT BLIND...Cher? Were you sitting on my head?"  
Cher nodded meekly.   
"NO WONDER I COULD SMELL SOMETHING FOUL!" A frown was Cher's only reply.   
"Cher what happened? Why are we sitting on a pile of rubbish?"  
Cher's eyes flew wide open. "WE'RE SITTING ON A PILE OF RUBBISH? BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BALL? JARETH WAS SO READY TO DANCE WITH ME!"  
Nat gasped. "OF COURSE THE BALL.....O.o;; Jareth was so not ready to dance with you."  
"WANNA MAKE A BET!"  
"SLUT HE WOULDN'T TOUCH YOU WITH A TEN FOOT..."  
"HOOT HOOOOOOT HOOOOOOOOT CAAAAARRRRRR!"  
The girls looked up to see an owl hopping around madly.   
"Dude...I didn't know owl's caaaarrrrrred."   
Nat's sweatdrop was enough to shut Cher up.   
Shrugging, Cher stood and looked at her nifty little labyrinth watch.  
"O.O NAT OMG WE ONLY HAVE 2 HOURS LEFT!" Cher grabbed Nat's hand and yanked her away from the pile of garbage.  
They ran for what seemed like forever, Cher tripping on rocks and falling on her ass, much to Nat's amusement, and Nat often running ahead searching for any clues as to where exactly they were going.  
Finally they came to a small bridge which stretched across a swamp of sorts.  
"Oh man dude that totally stinks what is this place?" Cher held a finger to her nose, gagging out the smell that drifted from the swamp.  
"Is this...the bog...of eternal stench?" Nat peered over the side of the bridge, trying to get a closer look. She took a great sniff and almost hurled then and there.  
Cher slapped Nat on the shoulder, thinking that Nat's convulsions was a coughing fit. With the hard slaps force, Nat was nearly propelled over the edge of the bridge into the bog. She caught her balance, swung around and shoved Cher backwards.  
"YOU WHORE I NEARLY FELL OFF!"  
"I THOUGHT YOU WERE COUGHING, SLUT YOU ALMOST TRIPPED ME UP!"  
"YEAH WELL YOU NEARLY PUSHED ME IN! DO YOU WANT ME TO SMELL BAD FOR THE...You did it on purpose didn't you?"  
Cher looked at Nat with a blank stare.  
"YOU WANTED ME TO FALL IN, SO JARETH WOULD HATE ME AND RUN TO YOU!"  
"WHAT? THAT'S HOGS WALLOP AND YOU KNOW IT!"  
"YEAH WELL SHERYAL THE ONLY WAYJARETH WILL EVER RUN TO YOU IS IF I AM A) DEAD OR B) BOG STENCHED OUT!"  
Cher gasped and turned her back to Nat. Her feelings had been hurt this time. She was not going to take it lying down. Turning around, with fire in her eye and clenched fists, Cher spoke deathly low, "That...wasn't...very...NICE!" She lunged herself at Nat and started an all out brawl.  
Fists flew, hair splayed and limbs tangled. The girls rolled from the center of the bridge to the left hand bank and were fighting dangerously close to the edge of the bog. All that could be seen of the two, however, was a cloud of dust.  
The cloud of dust settled around the two to reveal Cher hanging with one hand clamped tightly around a tree branch, the other holding onto Nat's foot. Cher's hand was slowly but surely slipping. She couldn't hold onto the both of them.  
"NAT YOU WHORE THIS IS ALL YOU'RE FAULT I'M GOING TO DROP US BOTH!"  
Nat glared and frantically tried to hold her skirt down.  
"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE SHERYAL I DO NOT WANT TO SMELL LIKE THIS BOG SHIT ALL OF MY LIFE!"  
"Well someone had to have an extra piece of bread and Vegemite didn't they?"  
"YOU HAD THE WHOLE EXTRA LOAF!"  
The arguing kicked into full gear again, while Cher's hand slowly slipped further down the tree branch.   
"...AND IF YOU HADN'T BEEN SO BUSY SUCKING ON HOGFARTS..."  
"DUDE NAT SHUT UP I'M SLIPPING! I THINK WE'RE GOING TO..."  
She was cut off by the crack of the tree branch. Both girls were plunging down towards the bog of eternal stench and when a strong hand gripped around Cher's wrist.   
The hand held her steady in the air, leaving Nat's nose just inches away from the bog. Cher's grip on Nat's ankle, however, wasn't as steady and she could feel her grasp slipping.   
The stranger however, leaned over the bridge, grabbed Nat's ankle and hoisted her back onto the bridge.   
He then however hurled Cher over the edge of the bridge and dumped her on the ground at his feet.  
Nat stumbled however (AN: ok no more howevers ) as he lifted her and ran into his chest. Her head buried into the folds of his billowing shirt. She tangled her hands into his silky shirt and looked up into his brown eyes.   
A small growth of stubble was growing on his chin. He looked handsome and rugged and ready for anything.   
"Oh thank you..." Nat breathed.  
"You're welcome, I'm actually on my way to film some big shot war movie...do you have any idea where I'm supposed to go?" The British accent was what struck gold in Nat's mind.   
Cher on the other hand was twitching on the ground of the bridge.  
"Rafe?"  
Rafe nodded.  
"OH MY GOD RAFE! CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?"  
He smiled winningly and scribbled his name onto Nat's chest.   
"There you go. Now..."  
Rafe leaned down into a crouching position and propped Cher's chin up with his hand.   
"Are you alright?"  
Cher looked into his eyes and nodded. Her legs slamming shut. Rafe chuckled heartily and frowned.   
"I have no idea how I got here...you must have dreamed me up or something but please I need to get out and find the set of my new movie. I'll do anything if you just tell me the way out."  
Cher's eyes lit up. She leaned over and whispered in Rafe's ear with a salacious grin plastered on her face. Rafe's eyes shot wide open and a pink blush stained his face. He took a deep breath and nodded curtly.   
"Anything you say." Letting his breath out, he leaned down and kissed Cher deeply. Passion seared through their kiss as their tongues danced. Finally after what seemed an eternity, Rafe pulled away. Nat the whole while stood utterly gobsmacked watching the pair.  
"Well my Australian Beauty, I'll be on my way and remember you always. As for you Nat, you're nothing but a dirty Sheryal."  
Rafe turned on his heel and walked away briskly. Cher left with a grin on her face and Nat blinking madly. An owl in the background had a hissy fit.  
"I'm not even going to ask you Sheryal." Nat spat. "Come on let's get out of here we're running out of time."  
Nat grabbed Cher's hand and yanked her off the bridge, storming into the forest of the labyrinth.  
They rounded a bend and stopped in a small clearing surrounded by bushes and such. Cher stopped and picked out her wedgie, while Nat wandered cautiously around the area. She didn't see the rock before her foot and didn't hardly notice that she had so carelessly stepped on the rock.  
Nat went down with a scream and a thud.  
Cher burped.  
  
*******  
Darien stopped dead in his track. The bra in his hand fluttered carelessly to the ground. He heard a scream, a thud and finally a...burp.  
"OH MY LORD, NATSUA THAT WAS YOU I'D KNOW THAT VOICE ANYWHERE OH NO NATSUA I MUST SAVE YOU!" He bent over quickly and scooped up the bra, shoving it in his pocket.  
He started to run then. The impending sense of danger clamping around his heart. Butterflies flapped their fluttery wings around his stomach and the cruel hand of fate sprinkled drops of sweat on his forehead.  
His long, limber, limber and long, long, limber legs carried him faster through the thick forest, him eager to find his love, the legs eager... to look long and limber.   
He rounded a bend and stopped. The sound of sobs echoed throughout the eerily quiet forest along with the occasional fart or burp.   
'Strange...' he thought to himself, 'Gas emancipation...in this area? It has to be the Sheryal.'  
He bounded forward with the thoughts of hope drifting around his nubile mind.  
The site that awaited him as he rounded the bend was enough to send him screeching to a halt. His eyes flew open and he whooped in glee.   
"NATSUA! I HAVE FOUND YOU!"  
Nat looked up, fresh tears glistening in her eyes.  
"Oh...Darien...is it really you? I thought..."  
Cher burped and scratched her bum.  
"DAZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YOU MADE IT HAHHAHAAHAH YOU PANSY PUSSY BOY HOW IS IT HANGING?"  
Darien looked Cher up and down and shoved his nose in the air.  
"Something you'll never ascertain, Cheraye."  
Cher looked around, unaware of the meaning of the big words. She shrugged and watched the scene unfold while throwing in a few burps and bum scratches. A wedgie pick here and there and the occasionally sneeze.  
"Oh Natsua what has happened to you. You're injured and you're pale and of ill health."  
Darien leaned over and scooped Nat into his arms. He brushed her fringe away and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.  
"Darien...I'm so glad you're here I was so afraid and I was stuck with the Sheryal for so long and she tried to steal Jareth from me O.O I MEAN...I wasn't even with Jareth he just happened to be standing next to me we weren't even touching "  
Darien looked skeptically from Cher to Nat and raised an eyebrow. A long and limber eyebrow at that.   
"Natsua...what happened in here?"  
Nat looked from Cher to Darien and back to Cher. Cher coughed and sent her a look that screamed 'DON'T TELL HIM AND FEED ME!'  
Nat nodded slightly, turned to Darien, her eyes filling with tears and sobbed.  
"OH DARIEN IT WAS AWFUL...so...so many things it's just making me think that something happened when it really didn't and oh god it's horrible...oh and Cher needs something to eat."  
Fishing into his pocket with his free hand, Darien found a banana and tossed it to Cher.   
She smiled and sat down on a log, beside a white owl.   
"Oh Natsua...I've missed you so much. Come, let me take you behind these long and limber bushes and tend to your wounds."  
Darien carried Nat towards a clump of bushes smiling down at his love.   
Cher stood to follow but was stopped curtly by Nat's shoe being flung into her forehead. The shock from the flying shoe sent her down on her ass.  
"HEY IF YOU DIDN'T WANT ME COMING WITH YOU, YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID SO! I'M SICK OF FALLING ON MY ASS GOD DAMNIT!"  
Sighing in reh...jec...tion (AN: BAHAHAH), Cher made her way back to the log, clasped her hands together in her lap and sighed, waiting for the pair to finish.  
"OHHHHHHH DAZZA OHHHHHHH OHHHHH YES IT HURTS THERE OHHHHH YES YES PATCH ME WITH YOUR UGLY GREEN JACKET OHHHH!"  
Slamming her eyes shut, Cher focused on peeling the banana and eating the fruit.  
"It's nice to see you're eating again."  
"HOLY SHIT!"  
The surprise of hearing another voice, sent Cher propelling backwards off the log and landing...on surprise, surprise her ass.   
She looked up to see Jareth's laughing gaze staring straight back at her.  
"You...you scared me."  
Jareth simply smiled and offered her a hand. She looked around, and placed her own hand in his. She felt a bolt of electricity jolt through her arm. A typical romance first touch thing.  
"Sorry about that, I forgot I had just recharged my hand. Can't toy with the crystal balls if I've got no energiser battery power." Jareth turned to look away from Cher holding a packet of AA batteries. "Energiser, they'll never give up."  
He turned back briskly and pulled Cher off the ground and back onto the log.  
The pair sat side by side, a short distance between them.   
A rustle here and there was all that could be seen of Darien and Nat. The occasional moan from Nat all that could be heard.   
The lion sleeps tonight song was playing over and over in Cher's head until the sound of Jareth clearing his throat interrupted her thoughts. Cher suddenly realised she was alone with Jareth. Everything she had been taught about seducing a man flew out the window.   
Cher froze, trembling slightly. The sheryal in her had disappeared. She wracked her brains for something to say and finally said, with a horrified expression on her face,   
"So...um...how bout that local football team?"   
Jareth, who looked deep in thought looked up. He coughed loudly and moved another inch away from Cher.   
"Yeah...um...good, great...I like football."   
Cher smiled shakily, moving yet another inch away from Jareth. A thick, tense silence filled the air. Occasionally being broken by a loud moan from Nat or a grunt from Darien.   
"The weather's...nice here." Cher's attempt to liven the conversation seemed to be failing.   
"Yeah...nice...I can change it if you like."   
Cher shook her head. "No it's ok."   
More silence surrounded them, each of them quietly clenching and unclenching their fists.   
Nat's moan was what eventually broke them both.   
With something resembling animal passion they threw themselves at each other with the blink of an eye.   
Their lips met, tongues finding each other. Jareth's hands began to roam wildly over Cher's body.   
"UNGH DARIEN THE ROCKS ARE DIGGING INTO MY BACK...IT HURTS!"  
Jareth broke the kiss and looked at the bush concealing Nat and Jareth with a sweatdrop.  
He clicked his fingers and the edge of a mattress could be seen peeking from beneath the bush.  
"That should please her for now, the comfiest mattress in the underworld. Now where were we?" He grinned coyly and yanked Cher's mouth to his. His hands roaming once again.  
He found the buttons of her blouse and began to eagerly rip them open. Each of them were breathing heavily, their mouths still locked together in a steamy passionate kiss.   
"GOD DARIEN I FEEL LIKE A CHEAP WHORE ON THIS GROUND BEHIND THESE BUSHES!"  
Jareth's head dropped down and a withered sigh escaped his lips. He muttered a few choice words and clicked his fingers again. This time the legs of a bed could be seen poking from beneath the bush and a large canopy hanging over it.  
"If that doesn't satisfy her I don't know what will. That's Sarah's own double canopied bed...I think the junk lady stole it from her room while she was..."  
Cher didn't let him finish. She wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled his lips to hers.  
Cher's hands ran over Jareth's firm muscular chest, while he still worked eagerly at her buttons. Cher had one thought in her mind.  
'The sock, the sock, the sock, the sock'.   
Her hands drifted lower and lower. She was about to discover it...she was so close.   
"OI!"   
The pair broke apart abruptly. Cher's top was only being held together by one button, the middle button. Jareth's hair was disheveled and had lipstick smeared all over his mouth.   
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU TWO THINK YOU'RE DOING?"  
Cher looked down at the ground and clumsily re-did up her buttons.  
Jareth, swiping at the lipstick on his mouth shrugged nonchalantly.  
"I was just...punishing Cher, I know how much she hates me so I was...kissing her against her will."  
Jareth nodded, stood and strode away quickly. He looked back once to see Cher blushing and staring longingly at his back. He smiled, blew her a kiss and trotted away.  
Cher smoothed her skirt down and stood, looking at Nat with a smirk and throwing the banana peel at Darien.  
"Thanks for interrupting me you slut."  
"NO ONE CALLS MY NATSUA A SLUT!"  
Darien extended his cane (AN: LOL THAT SOUNDS WAY EW HAHAHA) and prepared to whack Cher with it.  
In a puff of glitter and smoke, Darien disappeared.  
Nat's nostrils flared.  
"WHA WHA WHAT? WHERE DID HE GO?"  
She looked around frantically but there was no sign of Darien.  
"O.O JAREEEEEEETH!"  
Cher pointed at Jareth, standing atop a tree.  
"I'm sorry Nat, but the rules clearly state you aren't allowed visitors of any sort in my labyrinth."  
Nat spat chips.  
"SO WHERE IS HE?"  
Jareth smiled and blew a kiss to Cher.  
"He's back at his apartment in Tokyo. Don't fret, he's safe."  
Breathing a small sigh of relief, Nat glanced at her watch.  
"AN HOUR? SHIT CHER COME ON!"  
Cher stood still, staring up at Jareth with a dreamy glint in her eye.  
"CHER COME ON!"  
No response.  
"SHERYAL?"  
Nothing.  
Sighing, Nat shoved Cher backwards, sending the black haired Aussie over the log.  
Cher sprung to her feet and glared at Nat. She stalked over to her and pushed her backwards.  
"HEY!" Nat screeched from the ground. "DON'T PUSH ME, PUSH A PUSH POP! AND WHEN YOU DO I HOPE YOU SUCK TOO HARD SO IT POPS UP AND BASHES YOUR FUCKING TEETH!"  
Jareth in the meantime watched with a sigh.   
"Unbelievable, they know they don't have much time yet they still argue my god."  
After a good ten minutes of screaming and fighting, the girls finally made their way through the forest.  
They walked for another ten minutes before coming to a large hedge towering above them.  
"Oh just fucking great. A fucking maze is in our way. Look the castle is just there and we have to get through this fucking maze."  
Cher grinned and poked the hedge.  
"Ohhhhh spongy."  
Nat grabbed Cher's arm and yanked her around the corner only to discover a troll looking thing holding a stick with a chomping gremlin wrapped around the top.   
"OH MY GOD IT'S MY EX BOYRFRIEND!" Cher screamed, jumping behind Nat.  
"NO CHER YOU WHORE IT'S THE CHOMPERS!"  
Nat grinned as a lightbulb struck her head. She poked the troll thing holding the stick in the eye and it ran away screaming, dropping the stick with the chomper on the ground. She raced forward and scooped up the chomper which by now was going beserk.  
"CHER WHICH WAY IS THE CASTLE FACE ME IN THE CASLTES DIRECTION!"  
Cher nodded and grabbed Nat's shoulder, which were vibrating due to the chompy things beserk chompy jerks.   
Once facing the castle, Nat lowered the chompy thing and aimed it at the hedge.   
It went to work right away, chomping a huge whole into the hedge. The girls walked straight through the hedge maze, leaving a trail of chomped out hedges behind them.  
Once they arrived at the edge of the gates of the goblin city, Nat tossed the chompy thing to the ground, which just kept chomping around and around and around and around and around and around and wiped her hands on her skirt.   
"Alright, we're almost there and we have half an hour left." Cher smiled and patted Nat's back.  
"So far we've done well, think we can get through this?"  
"For sure...and get your hands off me dirty Sheryal."  
  
End note:  
Well it certainly took a shorter time then Nat's did.   
  
Nat: Shut up Sheryal  
  
Cher: Anyway ALMOST DONE! HOW SAD Doesn't mean there's not going to be more crazy Cher Nat adventures ne Nat?  
  
Nat: right...uh...  
  
Cher: -.-;; You are the weakest link...  
  
Nat: GOODBYE!  
  
Cher: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!  
  
Nat: OI OI OI! 


End file.
